Demon Otaku
by Funky Bracelet Chick
Summary: Flicking my tail lazily, I got up and decided to go for a little walk. Maybe something fun would pop up and I wouldn't be so goddamn bored. I highly doubted it, but hey, it's worth a shot, right?
1. The Boredom of a Cat

**Hello my lovelys! How are y'all? I'm happy to say that this is the first attempt I'll be making to writing a story with more than one chappie. **

**Disclaimer**: **I don't own Naruto. If I did, there would be more Pocky in it. **

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I was bored. Sure, living with humans had amused me for the last 50 years, but seeing them flip out at a talking cat was starting to get dull. I just wasn't getting the thrills I used to.

Flicking my tail lazily, I got up and decided to go for a little walk. Maybe something fun would pop up and I wouldn't be so goddamn _bored_.

After walking for about 45 minutes, I came to the mall. Animals weren't allowed, but the sign didn't say anything about demons. Just because I look like a cat doesn't mean I am one. Actually, my form and powers change with every world I visit. It just so happened that, at the moment, I was a black cat that could talk.

With practiced skill, I hopped into the bag purse of a passing blonde chick. She looked about 18, and must have had a pound of makeup on. I wrinkled my nose. She smelled like a prostitute.

I looked at the stuff she was carrying with her. Yup, total whore. There was a dildo and a shit load of condoms in here, along with a few skimpy lingerie pieces and an extra set of clothing.

Blondie walked into coffee shop, and set down her bag next to her seat. She was waiting for someone.

That meant I could take two courses of action. 1.) I could follow her and disrupt things when they were finally getting good or 2.) I could get out of there now and be bored for the rest of the day. Choice one was looking fun.

But I wouldn't be able to stay in here very much longer. Blondie would need her stuff eventually. If I timed my escape right, though, she wouldn't be any wiser as to my prescence.

The guy that walked up 10 minutes later was cute, if I do say so myself. Cathy would probably make him her pet in an intsant. Yes, have friends who keep humans as pets. They look for the prettiest, or strongest, or fastest, or most passionate, whatever type they like, and keep them in their homes as lap dogs. Sometimes lovers, but that doesn't happen very often. A demon has to be very sure of their feelings before they do anything of the sexual nature with them. If we did, there'd be immortal humans walking around everywhere. Humans, as a rule, don't take passing time very well. That's because their sanity isn't exactly a given. I'm not even completely sane myself. Or that's what people tell me. I dunno. I guess the mentally unstable don't really realize what they are.

To my intense displeasure, it was starting to seem like he wasn't a client of hers.

He passed a book to her and she payed him $10 for it before slipping it into her bag. I expected it to be some manual on how to do blow jobs or something, but it was just a normal book. The title was _Naruto volume one_. Hmm...That kinda sounds interesting...

My curiosity got the best of me. I opened the book and started to read.

It was instantaneous addiction. Naruto was a fun character and I fully agreed with him on the ramen thing. Too fast for my liking, the book ended.

I wanted more. More of this story line. More of this person who loved ramen just as much as I did.

I ran as fast as my current body could take me to the nearest book store, ignoring the whore as she screamed something about being allergic to cats.

I literally lived in the book store for the next 2 days, reading and re-reading every single _Naruto_ volume there. When all the manga was done with, I moved on to fanfiction. Many busy people came home to find that their computers had turned on while they were gone. I made sure to leave yaoi lemons on the screens everytime I left, just to see their reaction. Most of them were really funny.

Over the year, I came to the sad realization that Naruto was an idiot. We may both like ramen, but that's as far as it went. I had a new favorite character. Or rather, a set of characters. The Akatsuki. Now _they_ were awesome. Gaara was cool too, but he was _technically_ on the good side. That's such a turn off. If only I could meet them in person...

And that's when it happened.

I had an epiphany unlike any other I'd ever had before.

I was a world/time traveling demon! Going to the Narutoverse would be as easy as getting a merman horny! I mean, I _was_ getting bored here anyway. Why not go somewhere else?

With a cat's equivalent of a grin on my face, I scratched a couple runes into the computer desk I was currently at. Closing my eyes, I thought of where I wanted to be. An image of the Akatsuki all together tried to form in my mind, but I stopped it. If I thought like that, I'd transport them all to the spot I appeared in. That'd make it hard to get them to trust me. I thought of Deidara. Odds are, he would open up to me first. Well...maybe not before Tobi, but I don't feel like dealing with him right off the bat.

With Deidara's image firmly in my mind, I mumbled the spell that would invoke the magic to take me to the Narutoverse.

I kept my eyes closed. It's never a good idea to keep them open when traveling in between worlds. It gives you a major headache. Plus, there's the possibility of getting distracted by the sights. I did that once. I got a headache and, instead of going to see my friend Cathy in the Dragon World, ended up in the abyss of a huge ocean as a giant squid. You try drawing runes when you're underwater and all you have is tentacles to scratch them out with. Yeah, not exactly easy.

I sighed as I felt my body flying through space. It's such a relaxing feeling, like sliding through cool silk.

When I got to the door of the Narutoverse, I felt the familiar warmth of my body changing to the form of this world.

And then I was there. _In the Narutoverse._ I opened my eyes and grinned. Oh, how I love my life.

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***big sparkly eyes* I'll love you forever if you review! **


	2. My Tits!

**Welcome all to my second chappie EVER!! Please enjoy it, cuhz I didn't do my homework in favor of writing this! Honor my sacrifice!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Sakura would've been eaten by an army of zombies long ago.**

**Oh! And if anyone sees any spelling errors or anything like thaat, please tell me. I edited this for at least an hour getting all the bugs out, but you can never be too sure...**

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I opened my eyes and found that I knew where I was. Well, sort of. I was sitting in the branches of one of those huge-ass trees. You know, like in the Chunin Exams? Big like that. It was all so much prettier in real life.

I sat there for a couple seconds before remembering that I had things to do and people to stalk.

The first thing on my list of Things To Do was to check out my body.

I looked down.

HELLZ YEAH! I'm human-shaped! I haven't had thumbs in 260 years! _And_ I've got an awesome body. My new tits have to be at least D cups. Covering up my newly formed female parts was a pretty white sundress that went down to my knees. I've found that whenever I get a humanoid form, the white sundress comes with it. Now all I need is to find some water or something to see my reflection in.

Although, with a body like this my face is probably pretty enough to match it, I still have to check. One can never be too sure. Just look at the men of Cartet. Their bodies are sexy in an extreme: washboard abs, long legs, golden complextion. The only flaw is that they have the faces of balding, middle aged men. It's really quite sad. The lesson? Never assume you look nice until you've seen it for yourself.

I sniffed. I could smell water nearby. That's a good sign. My superior senses must have come with me here. Before I set off in the direction of the water, I ripped a thick, notted branch that was growing next to me off the trunk with a loud crack. Cool. Strength got included in this body, too.

Following my nose, I jumped (okay, so it was more like skipping, but who wouldn't be happy if they ended up here?) from tree to tree before coming to a swiftly flowing river. The water was white and churning. Well, this wouldn't make a very good mirror. Luckily, I was just a couple yards away from a waterfall.

I took a running jump down the 3 story drop. Just 10 feet from the ground, a huge tan _thing_ starts flying in my direction. I instantly recognized it as one of Deidara's birds. And that's when I realized that it was right under me. Unfortunately for me, it was a little too late to change the way I was planning on landing. I landed flat on my tits, and pain lanced through my chest. I swear, if I cracked a rib because of him and his art, I would purposely side with Sasori.

Without caring of who I was currently in the prescence of, I yelled, "Ow! My tits! The fuck man? I was _jumping_ somewhere."

"Yeah, well, all I saw was some chick with cat ears jumping off a waterfall. Suicide doesn't sit well with me, yeah."

His accent (or speech impediment, whatever you want to call it) snapped me out of my anger, along with the tiny fact that I may now have cat ears.

I turned around and there, in all of his pyromaniac glory, was Deidara Iwa. Lesser fangirls would have glomped him whilst foaming at the mouth, but not me. I had too much pride for that. I would save that for a time when I had a decent excuse.

"What the hell do you mean by 'cat ears'?"

"Exactly what I just said. You have cat ears. You think you'd know something like that about yourself, yeah. "

My hands flew up to the top of my head. Well, no shit. Nestled on top of my head and in my hair were a pair of ears that were agreeably catty.

"Actually, no. I don't. Seeing as I just got here, I don't know anything about the way I look."

"What?"

I sighed in a way that suggested I thought he was a complete idiot, "Can I just go see my reflection?"

He sighed too, but it was more of a weary sigh. "Sure. Let me land my bird first, yeah."

The moment it's feet hit the ground, I jumped off and ran over to a spot on the bank where the water wasn't churning like crazy.

It was the look of someone who was innocent. I could sort of see why Deidara went to "save" me. Big, sweet looking blue eyes took up the majority of my face. My lips were delicate and pink. Framing my face were wavy ebony locks that went down to my armpits. The cat ears matched my hair.

I decided that it was a nice face.

My height, however, wasn't nice in the least little bit. It sucked. I was only 5'4". The only good thing that came with being chibi sized was that it made my tits look bigger. Speaking of tits, mine still hurt. I may love him, but Deidara was going to pay for that.

Poking out from underneath my sundress, I spotted a black tail moving back and forth lazily. Was it just me, or did the whole cat theme seem to be following me?

I must have sat there for 15 minutes before I remembered that a certain blonde was still waiting for me to get done.

Turning around, I saw that there was a scowl on his face. Was Sasori's impatience getting to him or what? Even if it wasn't, him being in a bad mood didn't help me. I smiled cutely, hoping against hope that the request I was about to make didn't make him mad. For added effect, I made my eyes as big and sparkly as possible.

"Hey," I got his attention, "Do you think I could travel with you?"

Out walked his scowl and in came a slightly confused look, "What?"

"Well, seeing as you're the only person I know in this world, I was thinking that it'd be a good idea for me to stick with you. If you don't mind, that is." Come on sparkly eyes, work!

And work they did. I could feel him melting into putty in my hands. But I could also feel him resisting my charm.

"Please?" I added more sparkles to my eyes. Deidara was effectively pushed over the edge.

"I guess, but if I tell you that you can't follow me anymore, you have to listen, alright?"

"Mmhmm!" I nodded eagerly. Like hell I'm gonna do that. Even if I have to in the end, I'd just find another member of the Akatsuki to stalk.

"Okay. Let's get going then. I have places to go and things to do, yeah." He turned to jump back up onto his bird.

I just couldn't help myself. I squealed and glomped him from behind. At least I had an excuse to do it now.

"THANK YOU!!!"

He laughed, "Get off me, yeah!"

"Okay!" I said before letting go.

Deidara landed on the back of his clay bird and I followed him moments later.

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**Anyone who reviews gets a collectable coin with the Chibi Akatsuki engraved on it! You know what to do, people! Click the button!**


	3. Names

**Hey y'all! Guess what!? I got learned a valuable life lesson today! Never drink a Capri Sun after brushing your teeth. Really. It tastes horrible. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, it would be "chibi jutsu" instead of "sexy jutsu"**

**And on that note, here's chappie 3! I hope you enjoy it!**

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"So what's your name, yeah?"

I looked at Deidara, the breeze his bird was creating blowing through my hair. Flying is one of the best feelings in the world. I'd decided that a long time ago.

"I don't have a name, dude."

"That's stupid, yeah. How could you not have a name?"

"Oh, like I can help it." I said sarcastically. "It's not my fault my mother was never around to give me one."

I could see the skepticism in his eyes, but I wasn't lying. I really couldn't tell him my name, for I don't have one. Sure, I've gone by a great many aliases in all my years, but never before have I had a real name. My mother died before she could give me one, and I didn't have any other family. Therefore, that makes me nameless. According to tradition, if I don't get a name from someone in my family, I'm just not allowed to have one.

"Well, that sucks, yeah."

I resisted the urge to snort. If only he knew...

"Yeah, it does."

"I'm Deidara, by the way," he paused for a moment, "That makes me feel weird now, seeing as you don't have a name, yeah."

I giggled. He was taking this so much better than I thought he would.

"So....what should I call you? Like a nickname, I mean, yeah."

"I-"

It was then that I felt it. Actually, it's more of a _her_. Cathy. She must have felt the ripple of my traveling through space and, nosy as always, decided to visit me.

A couple seconds after I thought this, a flash of light, so bright that it was blinding, appeared above our heads.

After another blinding flash, it altogether disappeared and, in it's place, was Cathy.

Unlike me, she always retained the same form. Cathy's flowing, curly blonde hair and piercing grey stare were always the same.

My face lit up, "CATHY!!!!" With a running jump, I glomped her for all I was worth. Now, Cathy doesn't particularly like glomps. They annoy her. So, to make sure my hug didn't end prematurely, I wrapped my legs around her and clung onto her like a koala.

"Loru! Get the hell offa me!" She tried her best to shake me off. Isn't it just my luck that she's had years of practice in escaping my hugs? With a squeak, I was flung up a good 15 feet into the air.

This always happens. You wouldn't believe me whan I told you how many times I've been thrown into the air with no one waiting down there to catch me. I've learned, from painful expierience, the best ways to land on my feet. Maybe I really was part cat. It would make sense. As long as I can remember, I've always had some sort of feature reminiscent of a cat. Even when I was a squid, my pupils had been slits intead of big and round. I would have giggled if the wind wasn't blowing right up my nose and making it hard to breathe. How come I was just noticing this?

Twisting around, I angled my body towards Deidara's clay bird. He had stopped flying, and was now hovering in place.

From my spot above, I could see him glaring at Cathy. Aww! Was he mad at her for throwing me? That would be insanely cute. And another excuse to hug him.

I landed smoothly behind Deidara. Normal humans wouldn't have heard a sound, but I guess he wasn't a ninja for nothing.

He whirled around, his expression unreadable.

Deidara opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but I walked past him before anything could leave his mouth.

I faked an indignant look, putting my hands on his hips, "Cathy!" I whined, "That was higher than normal! Are you trying to kill me?"

Cathy pretended to cry, "I is sowwy Loru-chan! I was just angry! Can you ever forgive me?"

We seriously stared eachother down for as long as possible before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Both of us were too busy laughing to notice the murderous aura coming off of Deidara until it was too late.

He tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, smiling like the goof I was. As soon as I saw this face, my smile packed it's bags and left.

"Loru-chan? I thought you didn't have a name, yeah."

Uh-oh. I scratched the back of my head nervously. Not because I was scared of his face, or anything. No. Of course not. Deidara's face wasn't scaring me shitless right now. What would make you think that? I was the Nameless Loru-chan! Nothing scared me! "Well, ya see Dei-chan," I hoped my nickname didn't make him madder than he already was, "I really don't have a name. That's just a nickname." I added sparkles to my eyes just to be on the safe side.

He sharpened his glare. I guess even my cuteness has it's limits. Damn.

I put my hands up in front of me in a sign of surrender. "I speak the truth! Even ask Cathy!" I pointed to Cathy, knowing she would clear this mess up. She was always good at making sure I didn't get blown up by people.

Luckily for me, Cathy's skills hadn't deserted her. "Deidara, was it?"

He nodded tersely.

"Thought so. It's true, Loru-chan isn't her name. She doesn't have a real name. Only a few nicknames or titles here and there."

"Why do I find myself not trusting you, yeah?"

Cathy smiled sweetly, a sure sign of impending doom, "Oh, you'll trust me. You'll trust me, and like it, and ask for more!" The smile left her features and the glare that replaced it was scarier than the one Deidara had aimed at me.

I could see him break out into a cold sweat.

"Okay. I believe you, yeah!"

Her sweet smile came back, "Good to hear."

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***grumbles to herself* I feel like this chappie sucked ass, but I couldn't think of anything else. RAWR! CURSE YOU WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! But hey, maybe this isn't even a good fic and I'm wasting my breath. Review please and tell me what you think.**

**Um...as for the way to say Loru's name, it's like Yoru with an L.**

**And, once again, please tell me ifyou see any spelling mistakes or anything along those lines. Cuhz you can never be too sure...**


	4. Clay Things

**Heyy! I've got nothing as to what to put here. Like, I'm seriously drawing a blank. I have nothing. So here's the disclaimer and then the story that I'm not exactly sure any of you are actually looking forward. **

**OH! And a big thank you to gaarafangirl91 for reassuring me that this fic doesn't suckk. *virtual glomp* YOU ROCK!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, God only know what twisted love octagons would have formed by now.**

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"Hey, Dei-chan?"

"Hmmm?" he didn't look up from what he was doing.

"Where the hell are we!?" I waved my arms all crazy like in the air for effect. And a fat lot of good it did. He wasn't even looking at me. But I'm pretty sure he felt the breeze from my random flailing. He's just good at ignoring me. I'll have to remember to do something about that.

Ya see, about half an hour ago, after finding Cathy, he landed his bird down in the middle of the forest (or to the side, you never know these days). He sat down, and pulled out a shit load of dull kunai from out of his cloak, intent on sharpening every single one. Based on the lumps in his cloak, I would have never guessed they were in there. It really makes one wonder how many pockets are sewed into that thing.

He glanced at me for all of half a nano second, "In a forest, yeah."

I had been trying to talk to him the whole time, and he had yet to actually talk back. Damn him and his manly one-track mind! Throwing my hands up in the air (yay for meaningless hand gestures!) I stomped over to Cathy, who was still sitting on the bird...and talking to it...

Do they even have minds? I mean, they're clay...

"Awwie! You're so cute! You have to be the cutest little birdie in the whole wide world!" Oh God. She was _coddling_ it. I backed up and ran back to Deidara before she could see me. Whatever she was doing, I _really_ didn't want to know.

Sadly for me, Deidara wasn't any better. He was _still_ sharpening kunai, with about 200 more to go. I was caught between two very different types of insane.

Some of Cathy's cooing reached my ears from over where she was, "How mean! He didn't give you a name!?"

There was silence as she waited for the bird to respond. I sure as hell didn't hear anything, but she seemed to.

"That's horrible! I have a friend just like that! Hey! Why don't I give you a name?

More silence.

"Okay! From this day forward, you shall be known as Sienna!" Cathy clapped her hands joyfully, "Do ya like it?"

I swear Sienna nodded at her head like an idiot. That is, if clay birds can look like idiots. I may be crazy, but my friends are mental. Yes, there's a difference. A big difference.

Deidara was obviously the better choice here. No doubt about that anymore.

I walked right in front of him and just stood there, waiting for him to notice me. He didn't.

I sighed dramatically. Still nothing.

So this had to be done the hard way, huh?

"Poke," I said as I jabbed him in the general direction of the eye under his bangs.

Right before my finger could touch the glass lense of his eyepiece, he dropped what he was doing and grabbed my wrist.

"What?" he all but growled.

I put on my most innocent face and said, "Dei-chan, I'm bored!"

Deidara glared.

I smiled cutely back, not breaking eye contact.

Admitting defeat to the cuteness that is me, he started rummaging though the folds of his cloak.

"Here ya go. Have fun," Deidara said, tossing me a hunk of clay.

My eyes lit up. Do you know how many uses there are for clay, besides art projects? A lot, not all of them being pleasant.

"Oh my gosh! Thank you Dei-chan!" I screamed and tackle hugged him, "You're the best!"

Within seconds, I was up in a tree and happily plotting.

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**So there's chapter 4. It's shorter than the others, but I thought that would be a good place to stop writing. As always, please review and tell me if you see any spelling mess up. I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


	5. Goo of Doom

**Hola mah peeps who actually read this! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'm too tired to think of some funny reason as to why I don't....**

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Ah...the things you can do with clay.

I chuckled manically, kneading the chunk of earth with my fists. While I kneaded, I poured some of my life force into it and chanted in the language of my ancestors.

I did this for about 15 minutes. By now, I think Cathy had heard me. She was just ignoring me because she knew that what I was doing wouldn't effect her. Deidara had probably picked up on it, too. The only reason he hadn't asked me what the fuck I was doing (my language happens to be one that sounds very...different to humans) was most likely because Cathy wasn't bothering to do anything about it. I could guess that he was thinking that it was just the way I was.

Oh, the fool. Doesn't he know that evil comes in small packages?

I stopped working the clay and set aside half of the original chunk. I would save that for later, when it was needed the most.

The other half still needed work, though, so I kept playing with it.

At this point, it wasn't even clay anymore. My energy was making it more like the texture of silly putty. A better name for it would be Gooey Ball of Doom. Yeah, that's what I'd call it! The Gooey Ball of Doom!

Lightning cracked somewhere in the background somwhere and I jumped. What the hell? There's not even any clouds in the sky! What a weird world...

Now came the hard part. What exactly do I make with my Goo of Doom?

I never actually got that far into my scheme. All I know is that it's gonna be good.

I stroked my nonexistant goatee thoughtfully.

Thinking...

Thinking...

Thinking...

Ah ha! Eureka! I have it!

Carefully and quickly as I could in my excitement, I molded the Goo of Doom into something resembling wings. Or, they were supposed to be wings. You had your two elongated lumps connected at the top and some crude lines that were meant to be feathers.

Coming from me, it was beautiful.

If Deidara saw it...I don't even want to think of his reaction. He'd probably try to scratch his eyes out after looking at it.

I really don't like being made fun of. That's my job.

So, what's a demon to do when she's in a tough spot? Cheat, of course!

I put forth some more energy into the Goo Of Doom, watching as my life force made them something better.

I examined them with approval.

The wings were now way bigger than that amount of clay should have been able to produce. Both of them were about five feet long and had the feathers perfectly carved out on them. Every last detail was taken into account.

I almost felt jealous. Why couldn't I be an artist like that? Then again, artists can't bring things to life like I can. I guess it evens out in the end.

With a final burst of energy, I animated the wings. They were now a living breathing creature. Actually, it was just one being, and he was a boy.

Don't ask me how I know that. A mother's instincts are never wrong.

Being the mom of an asexually produced baby boy, it was my responsibility to name him.

I watched him for a couple seconds, contemplating what I should call him. It had to be something good, something that meant something.

He was fluttering around, hastily figuring out how to fly. He had it down pat within seconds, seeing as it's in his nature to fly. I felt my heart swell with pride as he glided over to me.

I heard his voice in my head.

_'Are you my mommy?'_

I decided that I'd talk to him using my thoughts too. That way, Deidara wouldn't think I was talking to myself. Not that I don't already do that. I just don't want him thinking I'm crazy too early.

_Yes, I am._

_'Do I get a name, Mommy?'_

_Of course!_ I let my emotions flow into my words so he knew I was telling the truth. Believe it or not, there are dumb asses out there who don't name their children. For example, my douche bag of a father.

_'Then what is it?'_

_Seth._

_'Seth,' _he repeated the name, _'Seth Seth Seth Seth Seth...I like it!'_

I giggled, _Glad to hear._

He giggled with me.

Wings are on the clock after you've named them. If they don't merge with someone's body within a couple days, they'll die. If they _do_ find a person to attach themselves to, they live on that person for the rest of their lives. That is, unless they find someone else to cling to or that person dies.

_Okay. Are you ready for the bond?_

Seth knew what I was talking about. Being wings, it's hardwired into his cells. It's instinctual.

_'Yeah, Mommy. I'm ready.'_

He flapped over to me and landed on my back, melting with my form, fusing into my muscles. In a matter of moments, two minds shared one body.

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**WAAAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY! DON'T KILL ME! I know you were expecting some funny prank or some ingenious way to annoy Dei-kun from Loru-chan, but this was all I could come up with! I hope I didn't dissapoint anyone...**

**I hope it wasn't too short. I have issues with making my chappies long. *sighs* I hope to over come that through LOTS of practice.**

**Anyway please enjoy this and review if you feel inclined to do so. **

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


	6. Kunai Filled Tornadoes

Having a pair of wings again is such a great feeling. I've only had one other before, and those were easily some of the happiest days of my life. It's comforting to know I wasn't alone in my mind anymore. The insane tend to get lonely.

_Hey, Seth?_

_'Yeah, Mommy?'_

_Do you know how to make tornadoes?_

_'I dunno. I've never really tried before...'_

I slapped myself on the forehead, _Oh! I'm sorry, you haven't been alive long enough to have figured it out. Sorry babes. _

_'That's fine, Mommy.'_

I grinned, _Do you want me to teach you how?_

If Seth had a mouth, I'm pretty sure he would have broken out into a grin. His concious was practically radiating happiness. '_Yes!!!!'_

I giggled, _Awesome, 'cause I would have taught you anyway. _

_'But why?'_

_I wanna play a trick on a friend of mine._

_'Ooooooooooooh! This sounds like it's gonna be fun! What's the plan?'_

Smirking like the evil little girl we all know I am, I explained to him what was going to happen. He seemed as eager to do it as I was. Bless his heart, my little boy seemed to have inherited my sense of adventure.

_*~P.O.V. Change~*_

"Hey, Cathy, un?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Loru-chan, un?"

Cathy absently patted my clay bird.

...Why is she doing that? It's not like it's alive or anything.

"She's up that tree over there."

Cathy jerked her thumb in the general direction of a huge maple with evil cackling coming from it's branches.

Suddenly, it stopped, and silence settled upon our little clearing in the woods.

A gentle breeze ruffled the leaves.

For a moment, all was peaceful.

Then, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a movement.

My ninja training kicked in automatically and I turned my head just in time to see Loru-chan fly out of the tree. Yes, I just said flying. I don't mean it in the way that says she was going really fast, either. The goddamned girl had a pair of wings attached to her back. How the hell did I miss those?

Loru-chan flew up at least 20 feet in the air, the noon sun to her back. Her wings spread out wide, I swear she looked like a fucking angel...if it wasn't for the fact that I could see her evil smirk from here.

She met my eyes (well, eye...) and her smirk got even bigger. She started to flap her wings, kicking up dust and making it swirl in the air around us.

Within seconds, our tiny clearing in the middle of the forest was overtaken by a mini-twister.

Don't you dare go thinking this wasn't anything bad, either. When I say "mini" I'm merely referring to it's size. The actual strength of this gale was monstrous. My hair was all over the place and the kunai I had just sharpened were starting to lift off the ground.

..._shit!_

My kunai! I ran over to gather them up, but it wasn't any good. With another flap of her huge ass wings, my kunai were in the air and flying over to join the twister.

"Shit, un!" I yelled, dodging a few of them and ending up doing the splits. Men, even we ninja, are _not_ meant to do the splits. Our legs muscles just can't bend that way. My junk can't take that kind of stress. I could feel my eyes tearing up from the pain.

But I'm not a ninja for nothing. I'm proud to say that I have a high tolerance for pain. So, even though it felt like my dick was about to tear in two _sideways,_ I held it in and got up.

Good. Now that I wasn't sitting helplessly on the ground, it was time to take stock of the situation.

I looked up. Loru-chan had alighted on a thick tree branch.

Part of me wanted to stare at the way her entire countenance seemed unaffected by the wind. The other part, the part that won over, wanted to strangle her as soon as I got this under control.

She was watching me with an amused smirk. Damn sadistic bitch. I flicked her off.

I could hear her giggling in my head...wait...how is that possible? I could _literally_ hear her in my head. Maybe this is a sign of my impending insanity... I always knew I would end up in the loony bin.

_No, you're not going insane...yet._

"What the crap, un!? What are you doing?!"

_What do you think? I'm talking to you, dumbass._ Her smirk was getting smugger by the second.

"What are you doing in my head?! Get the hell out, un!"

_Hmmm...naw. I think I'm good where I am._

_'Hahahaha! Dei-chan, you're screwed.' _Came another voice.

"And who the hell would you be, yeah?"

_'I'm Seth, Mommy's wings.'_

I took my eyes off the mini-twister to glance at Loru-chan again. One of the wings was moving in an almost wave-like way.

* * *

**Heyy! *dodges pointy objects* I'm uber sorry I haven't updated in awhile. School is...yeah...horrible, to be blunt. So yeah, I'm sorry if this sucks. Forgive me? *gets Loru-chan to use her chibi eyes of DOOM on you all***

**But yeah, above all, please enjoy my little corner of fanfiction and review if you feel inclined to do so.**

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


	7. Baby Daddy

**Oh, I just thought I'd point out that when Dei-chan is talking to Loru-chan in this, he's talking out loud. Our favorite insane catgirl and pair of wings, however, are not. They have the whole "conversing with minds only" thing down pat. Dei hasn't gotten around to figuring that out yet. So...I should probably just give you an example, shouldn't I?**

_Loru-chan talking in mind speak_

_'Seth talking no matter what cuhz he has no mouth'_

_"This is what it will look like when Dei-chan figures out the mind-chat thing"_

"And here's just normal talking, for those of you who need it"

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Tsunade would have cat ears and, instead of being a sake addict, she would constantly be sniffing catnip. **

* * *

A wing...just...waved to me...

Someone just ship me off the to the nearest mental asylum. Now.

Last time I checked, people didn't randomly grow out pairs of wings with minds of their own.

Then again, Loru-chan isn't normal, is she?

I mentally slapped myself. Of course she isn't. Everything so far just does more to prove the fact that she isn't your everyday shinobi. She might not even be a shinobi in the first place. The girl doesn't wear anything to show her allegiance to any particular village. At least, nothing I can see.

_Wow, Dei-chan. You're taking this surprisingly well. I thought you would've been launching bombs at me by now._

"Do you have that little faith in me, yeah?"

_I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you. I don't know exactly how that works, but I know it says something along the lines of 'I don't trust you.'_

_'What Mommy said,' _Seth chimed in.

"So what's up with the twister, yeah?"

Surprise flashed across Loru-chan's face, _Oh...I had almost forgotten about that. _

I swear, sometimes I have the biggest mouth(s).

The playfully evil grin that had momentarily slipped away from her face came back in full force.

Loru-chan flapped her wings again. Or was that just Seth flapping himself? Either way, the effect was the same.

The mini-twister, which had been diminishing in size up till then, came back in full force. If anything, it was bigger now.

And it was coming right after me.

Crap.

I couldn't stay stationary any longer.

Now here's the problem: simply jumping out of the way won't work here. There are too many things flying through the air. In short, that means the only thing to do here is run. Run like hell. It's the only thing that'll work. Staying low wouldn't be a bad idea either.

So that's what I did. I ran like a bat out of hell. After all, how sure could I be that Loru-chan wasn't serious about this whole kunai tornado thing? If her facial expression was anything to go by, I doubted it. She looked like she was just playing. Her chakra feels that way, too. But one can never be too sure. I haven't known her for _that_ long.

I ran as fast as I could, but twisters are just as fast as they sound, if not faster. No matter how quickly I sprinted, it was always a couple feet behind me. The occasional kunai would find it's way to the outside of the gale and cut a few strands of my blonde hair clean off.

This went on for at least a half an hour. Maybe 45 minutes.

The entire time, Cathy just sat there, petting Sienna and watching with vague interest. The wind didn't seem to be affecting her, either. I noticed that after my fifth lap around the clearing.

Finally, I began to get tired.

Loru-chan knew this. I could tell.

I desperately tried to get out of the way, but it was all over. The twister was at my heels and there was no way I was going to be able to out run it now.

I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the pain, but it never came.

I cracked my eyes back open just in time to see the tornado stop spinning completely. My kunai fell to the ground with dull thudding noises.

"Well, I'm bored now," came Loru-chan's voice from behind me.

I spun around. Her face was inches away from mine.

_•~P.O.V. Change~•_

Dei-chan spun around, our faces ending up only inches away from eachother.

I couldn't help it. By reflex, I inhaled deeply. Dei-chan smelled like the clay he worked with. You wouldn't think of that as a good smell, but let me tell you, it's _heavenly_. So stick that in your blunt and smoke it. Yeah. I said blunt.

"You smell good."

_'I think so too!' _Came the voice of Seth.

"Seth thinks so too, in case you didn't hear that."

Dei-chan completely ignored our commentary in favor of backing up and glaring at us, "Loru-chan, I'm going to kill you, yeah." His voice was deathly calm. Uh-oh...someone sounds pissed.

I laughed nervously and fingered one of the feathers on Seth. If looks could kill, I'd be a dead demon standing.

"Don't kill me! There are so many things I haven't done yet! I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!" I sank to my knees dramatically and pretended to sob.

"You think I care? What the hell were you thinking?! I could have died, un!"

Using the power of my uber fast mood swings, I jumped to my feet and acted flabberghasted, "Dei-chan! Don't talk like that! I would never put your life in danger! I was merely teaching Seth here how to create and control twisters."

"Like I haven't heard that excuse before, yeah." He probably hadn't, but I knew he wouldn't ever fess up to it.

Instead, he glared at me some more.

"You would honestly deprive a child of a chance to learn to defend himself?" I pouted cutely and put my hands on my hips.

"Child, yeah?"

"Seth. You've met already."

"You mean to tell me that your wings really _do_ have a mind of their own? Don't make me laugh, un!" He laughed.

"Hey! Don't be mean to Seth! He's a person too! And that means he has emotions!"

"I don't see anyone besides you here! Prove it, yeah!"

Denial is an ugly thing.

"Fine!"

"Fine, un!"

"FINE!" I screamed.

Without precursor, I plucked a pure obsidian feather from Seth.

I grabbed a random kunai off the ground.

"What are you-"

"Shut up. You want proof that he's real? I'll give you some fucking proof." I was pissed. No, I was beyond pissed. This was a whole new level of anger, one that didn't even have a name. No one said things like that to my boy. He was my baby. We were bonded, mind and body, so I could tell how much Deidara's comment stung him.

I cut my wrist, watching as the blood oozed out of the wound.

It was black, but I wasn't worried. I've had weirder colored liquids racing through my veins before.

I dripped my blood onto the feather.

It happened instantly.

The feather was in my hands one second. The next, I was holding a boy who looked to be about five years old.

His black hair matched the feather. There were little tears glistening in the corners of his blue eyes.

It broke my heart to see those.

"Aww! My baby! Are you alright? Want Mommy to make it better?"

Seth nodded hurriedly and buried his face into my shoulder. I balanced him on my hip and made sure he was all settled in before glaring at a certain blonde arsonist over Seth's shoulder.

"I should slap you right now," I hissed.

He completely ignored my comment, "Mommy? What's that all about, yeah?"

"Yeah. I made him, so I'm his mom."

"Made, un?"

"Are you limited to one-word questions? Yes, I made him out of the clay you gave me-" I stopped short, a thought coming to my mind that could win this argument for me.

"Dei-chan, since I made him out of the clay _you_ gave me, do you know what that means?"

"Nope, yeah."

"That makes you the dad," I paused for dramatic effect, "How does it feel to know you made your son cry?"

Deidara recoiled like he had been slapped, "But I'm not ready to be a parent, yeah!"

"Tough tootsie rolls. Now come over here and meet him."

Reluctantly, he stomped over to me.

Through all the yelling, Seth had somehow managed to fall asleep. The tears I saw only a couple minutes earlier were gone, leaving no evidence that they ever were.

Sleep had given Seth a peaceful face. His muscles were completely slack, and he was sucking on his thumb. He looked like a little cherub.

At first, Deidara's face was hard as he inspected the sleeping child.

Yet, as I watched him, it softened, "He has my nose..." he murmured. I glanced up to compare. He was right.

"But that's my hair."

Dei-chan snorted, "Obviously."

"Well, I wish he was awake right now so you could apologize, but he's not. Do you have something I could lay him down on?"

Deidara looked confused, "Doesn't he just turn back into the wings?"

I gave him an exasperated look, "It doesn't work like that. This is his first time changing into his more humanoid form. It's tired him out. He won't be able to turn back for a couple days."

Understanding dawned on his face, "Oh, un."

Deidara shrugged out of his Akatsuki cloak and I handed him Seth, who was gently wrapped into the folds of the black material.

_•~P.O.V. Change~•_

As I looked at Seth, I could feel my face soften. His hair was as black as coal. From the one time I had seen his eyes open, I knew that they were the same blue shared by both me and Loru-chan.

He was sucking his thumb.

He was...really cute. I resisted the urge to snatch him up and cuddle him. Seth was the kind of adorable that made S-class criminals melt into little puddles and want to start up an animal shelter.

"He has my nose..." I murmured.

I could see the smile in Loru-chan's eyes, "But that's my hair."

I snorted, "Obviously."

"Well, I wish he was awake right now so you could apologize, but he's not. Do you have something I could lay him down on?" She asked.

Within reason, I was a little confused. Why would Seth need a blanket? "Doesn't he just turn back into wings?"

Loru-chan was exasperated, "It doesn't work like that. This is his first time changing into his more humanoid form. It's tired him out. He won't be able to turn back for a couple days."

"Oh, un," That made sense.

There was only one tiny problem: I don't carry blankets with me when I travel. They take up too much space.

There was only one warm thing I could think of.

I didn't give it a second thought as I shrugged out of my Akatsuki cloak and wrapped Seth in it.

He shifted in his sleep as he switched arms, nuzzling into my shoulder.

Who would have ever thought that I'd have a kid?

I'm surely the last person who saw that coming.

But through and through, the warmth that I felt in my heart wasn't bad.

I couldn't help but be instantly attached to him

Seth stopped wiggling and settled back into a deeper sleep.

I knew right then and there that there really wasn't much of a chance of me telling Loru-chan to quit following me around. That meant I wouldn't be able to see my son very often.

Dang, that sounded weird, even to me.

But it was true. This little bundle in my arms was mine as much as it was hers, asexually created without my consent or not.

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**Wow. Even _I_ didn't see that one coming. Would that put this fic in the family genre?**

**And I'd like to give a big MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEARS (although it's a little late) and THANK YOU to all the people who have reviewed! Each and every one of you are amazing. Even the simplest of reviews gives me the motivation to write more.**

**Holy canola oil! This story has 480 hits! Already! I love you all!**

**~Funky Bracelet Chick**


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